i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
