32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
