got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you didnt know i had herpes?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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