i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was like eating out sand paper
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
