fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
the raccoons are back...
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