dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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