I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
