is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
