Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
