how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
