Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
