oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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