he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
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