Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
