we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
