Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
