I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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