i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
