If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
