Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
