you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
