He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
