just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
