she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
