Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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