3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
