then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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