Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
