yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
