I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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