Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize