I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
