you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
