look no pants
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I booty called her while she was in labor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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