Can Purell be used as lube?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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