Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
