I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
