Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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