obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
