Your face is a jimmy john
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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