1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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