laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
