where am i from again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
