I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
