I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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