you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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