I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
