And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
