Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize