shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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