well you can't waste a boner
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
