I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
