You just made me feel so damn special
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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