ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
