Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
