I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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