it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
