It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
