Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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