did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize