Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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