Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
