This girl is more easily done than said...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
