My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
