Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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