I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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